i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
