My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
