i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
