why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
