Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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