I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Blood and glitter go together right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
