did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
