I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
