the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
