The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
