if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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