I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
