O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
