you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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