I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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