Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
