Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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