you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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