Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
