If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
