Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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