he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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