He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
