I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
