Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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