I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
