This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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