I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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