you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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