I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
