Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize