and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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