I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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