Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize