quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
