At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
