I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
