we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Couch. On fire.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
