all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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