Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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