The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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