Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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