he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
