The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
