Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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