There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
