so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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