he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
