you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
