I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
