Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
