dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
