HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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