So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
