windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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