I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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