You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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