I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
