i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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