is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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