but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
