We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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