Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
