Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
