just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
