I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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