True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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