I must be too annoying 4 u.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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