1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You pole danced in your parka.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
