All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
