i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
