maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
