I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize