watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
