i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
don't judge my taste in strippers
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
