no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
