No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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