That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
FUCK WHALES
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