i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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