the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
