In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
