I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
