chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
