and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
