I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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