And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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