Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
People in love make me want to vomit
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
