so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
