Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
