the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
