I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
