U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
