i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
