She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
